On baseball: “Baseball’s a very simple game. All you have to do is sit on your butt, spit tobacco, and nod at the stupid things your manager says.”

On the Universe: “I think about the cosmic snowball theory. A few million years from now the sun will burn out and lose its gravitational pull. The earth will turn into a giant snowball and be hurled through space. When that happens it won’t matter if I get this guy out.”

On mandatory drug testing: “I tested a lot of drugs in my time but I never thought it should be mandatory.”

On baseball (again): “I would change policy, get rid of the DH, bring back natural grass, and nickel beer. Baseball is the belly button of our society. Straighten out baseball, and you straighten out the rest of the world.”

On managers: “Most managers are lifetime .220 hitters. For years pitchers have been getting these managers out 75% of the time and that’s why they don’t like us.”

On thinking: “You have two hemispheres in your brain - a left and a right side. The left side controls the right side of your body and right controls the left half. It’s a fact. Therefore, left-handers are the only people in their right minds.”

On thinking in sports: “When cerebral processes enter into sports, you start screwing up. It’s like the Constitution, which says separate church and state. You have to separate mind and body.”